What is the difference between a Conservative and a Liberal?

Hat tip to Stop the ACLU for this post.  Also heard on Sean Hannity's show.  Superlative essay - feel free to pass this along!

• If a conservative sees a U.S. flag, his heart swells with pride.
• If a liberal sees a U.S. flag, he feels shame.
   
• If a conservative doesn’t like guns, they don’t buy them.
• If a liberal doesn’t like guns, then no one else should have one either.
   
• If a conservative is a vegetarian, he won’t eat meat.
• If a liberal is, they want to ban all meat products for everyone.
   
• If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat it.
• If a liberal see an enemy he wonders what he can do to appease him.
   
• If a conservative is homosexual, he’ll quietly enjoy his life.
• If a liberal is homosexual, he’ll demand everyone get involved in his bedroom activities.
   
• If a successful conservative is black or Hispanic, he’ll see himself as having succeeded on his own merits.
• Successful liberal minorities still claim “racism” and want government to give them even more.
   
• If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to work to better his situation.
• A liberal wants someone else to take care of him.
   
• If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
• If a liberal doesn’t like a radio show, he demands that the station be shut down or censored.
   
• If a conservative is a non-believer, he just doesn’t go to church.
• Non-believing liberals demand that everyone cease believing and demands churches be censored.
   
• If a conservative needs health care, he shops for it, or chooses a job that provides it.
• Liberals demand that everyone else provide him with healthcare for free.
   
• If a conservative sees a law, he thinks long and hard before suggesting a change.
• If a liberal sees a law he assumes it is just a suggestion and does what he wants anyway.
   
• Conservatives feel there is a right and wrong.
• Liberals feel that nothing is really wrong… unless it is believed by a conservative.
   
• Conservatives believe in freedom, responsibility, tradition, and self-reliance.
• Liberals believe in license, government restrictions, upending tradition, and collectives.